Fuck It: Copa America 2024 Predictions

Alright you sports betting feins let’s talk about Copa America 2024. Let’s cut through the bullshit, this tournament is basically a two horse race. If you think anyone other than Brazil or Argentina has a chance in hell you’ve either been drinking too much or not enough.

The Contenders: Brazil and Argentina (And Maybe Uragay If You're Feeling Generous)

Let's be real the only teams with any shot at lifting that trophy are Brazil and Argentina. Sure you can make a half-assed argument for Uragay if you’re feeling wild but come on. Brazil is my favorite at +225 and for damn good reason. They’ve got so much raw talent it’s like watching a group of angry goblins with their tail on fire play soccer. These guys play with a flair that makes you forget your life sucks. So, why not throw some money on them and enjoy the ride?

Top Goalscorer: Rodrygo The Brazilian Wizard

Now let’s get to the juicy stuff the top goal scorer. My money’s on Rodrygo. This kid is so good it’s like he’s got a cheat code. He's so fucking quick and his skill is on another level. Watching him play is like being high and staring at the clouds, pure, mesmerizing magic. At +800 he’s a fantastic bet. Seriously why wouldn’t you put your cash on a player who can make defenders look like they’re stuck in quicksand?

The Parlay: Brazilian Brilliance

Here’s where shit gets real. I’m not just betting on Brazil to win and Rodrygo to be the top goal scorer separately. Hell no! I’m also parlaying those bad boys for a juicy +2500 payout. That’s right Brazil takes the trophy and Rodrygo racks up goals like a horny teenager collects snapchats. If this hits you’ll be rolling in cash laughing your ass off at everyone who doubted us.