Game 3 Preview: Celtics vs. Mavericks Let's Try This Again!

Alright, you degenerate fucks, let's talk about Game 3 of the NBA Finals between the Boston Celtics and the Dallas Mavericks. But first, let's address the disaster that was our Game 2 predictions. We went 1/4 because Derrick Jones is a sorry motherfucker who shot 0/3 on completely wide-open 3s in Game 2. Derrick White forgot how to pass, and Kristaps Porzingis turned into a big ol’ pussy. We had him to score 15; he had 10 in the first quarter and finished with 12. But hey, that's gambling for you. Now, for Game 3, let's get this right.

Luka Doncic: The Slovenian Rebound Machine

I’m betting that Luka Doncic will snag at least 10 rebounds. This Slovenian beast boards like he’s got magnets in his hands. He’s been hoarding rebounds all playoffs like they're the last beers at a frat party. Trust in Luka to clean the glass and make you some cash.

Jayson Tatum: The Fake Superstar with Real Numbers

Next up, Jayson Tatum. Sure, some folks call him a fake superstar, but he’s got the stats to back it up. I believe Tatum will rack up over 15.5 rebounds and assists combined. He has hit this number in 8 of his last 10 games. This dude’s elite at grabbing boards and dishing out dimes. He’s like a robot on the court if that robot was specifically designed to ruin your team’s day.

Kyrie Irving: Scoring Savior

Finally, let’s talk about Kyrie Irving. Love him or hate him, Kyrie’s got the skills to drop 20+ points. He’s the type of player who can score at will, and I’m banking on him to light up the scoreboard in Game 3. Whether he’s hitting clutch threes or making defenders look like lost children, Kyrie’s going to put up points. If he doesn’t, I’ll eat my own words—and maybe a shoe for good measure.

All picks parlayed pay 4-1! So, grab your drinks, place your bets, and get ready for some high-stakes action. Whether we hit it big or crash and burn, one thing’s for sure: Game 3 is going to be a wild ride. Stay tuned because we’re just getting started!