NFL Week 8 Recap: 16 Games 16 Stories

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1.) Vikings 27 - Rams 30

Matthew Stafford out there like a goddamn surgeon, picking apart the Vikings’ defense and leaving them to pick their teeth off the turf. Rams pull out the dub, and the Vikings? Just left wondering what happened.

2.) Packers 24 - Jaguars 20

Love goes down, but the Packers still squeeze out a win. The Jags? Total frauds. Even with Love on the bench, the Pack rolled over them like it was nothing. Jags fans, maybe it’s time to look away.

3.) Cardinals 28 - Dolphins 27

Heart-stopper alert! Tua’s rush had everyone’s heart in their throat, but Marvin Harrison Jr. swoops in to ruin Miami’s party. Dolphins drop a brutal homecoming loss, and the Cards are the ones throwing a celebration.

4.) Jets 22 - Patriots 25

This is just sad. Jets stack Rodgers, Tae Adams, Wilson, and STILL get clowned by the Pats. Adams, you should’ve brought your ass to Pittsburgh, bro. Patriots somehow scrape out the win, and Jets fans are drowning in misery.

5.) Ravens 24 - Browns 29

What a ride! Jameis Winston must’ve been on mushrooms with how he diced up that Ravens defense. Ratbirds couldn’t handle the Browns' game, and Baltimore fans are out here crying foul. Cleveland takes it home.

6.) Eagles 37 - Bengals 17

Cincinnati took an absolute dicking here. Eagles smashed them so hard the Bengals are gonna feel it all season. Playoffs aren’t looking to great, and the Bengals need a serious bounce-back—if they can find their dignity.

7.) Colts 20 - Texans 23

Texans sneak by while the Colts are left wondering what’s up with AR15. He looked like the next big thing, but now he’s out here taking breaks mid-game. Someone wake this man up!

8.) Titans 14 - Lions 52

I mean, did anyone expect different? Lions are on a tear, dropping a 50-burger like it’s nothing. Titans might as well have stayed home; this was a slaughter.

9.) Falcons 31 - Buccaneers 26

Kirk Cousins is in his October prime, channeling Tom Brady and a bit of Peyton Manning. Four TDs, 276 yards—this guy’s living his best life in Atlanta. Bucs just couldn’t keep up with Kirktober magic.

10.) Saints 8 - Chargers 26

Whatever happened to the Saints, it’s ugly. This team looked so good on paper, but they’re playing like a dumpster fire. Chargers cruise, and Saints fans are done with the excuses.

11.) Bills 31 - Seahawks 10

First off, Keon Coleman is HIM, mossing defenders and embarrassing the Seahawks. Bills roll over Seattle with ease, lighting up that Seahawks pack and sending them back to the drawing board.

12.) Bears 15 - Commanders 18

Jayden f***ing Daniels! Hail Mary for the win and an easy one at that. This guy’s already drawing Lamar Jackson comparisons, and it looks like the Bears have their guy for the next decade.

13.) Chiefs 27 - Raiders 20

The Chiefs couldn’t close this out by more than 7, but still got it done. Brock Bowers showed flashes of greatness, but the Raiders still suck, plain and simple.

14.) Panthers 14 - Broncos 28

Bo Nix gets the job done, but the Broncos exploded in the second quarter with 21 points, blowing the game wide open before halftime. Panthers never stood a chance after that.

15.) Cowboys 24 - 49ers 30

Ceedee Lamb was straight-up unguardable, 143 yards and two TDs, but it wasn’t enough. 49ers took this one, and Dallas fans are left in heartbreak.

16.) Steelers 28 - Giants 16

George Pickens could’ve gone off for three TDs, but two got called back. Even so, the Steelers got it done with Russ slinging it and TJ Watt proving he’s the GOAT on defense. Simple as that. One more thing Calvin Austin III

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