Semi-Finals Day 2: July 10th

Welcome back, you degenerate fucks! Day 2 of our betting madness is here, promising more chaos than a blackout bender with a side of regret. Grab your drinks, settle in, and let's get ready to make some cash.

3 PM EST: Netherlands vs. England – The Last Euro Semi-Final

First up, we've got the Netherlands taking on England. Oh, England, you overrated wankers. The Three Lions are more like three kittens that piss themselves whenever they see a real team. Honestly, with your "it’s coming home" bullshit, you should focus on bringing home a decent squad instead. Harry Kane? He looks like he should be playing in a Sunday league, not the Euros. And don’t even get me started on your defense—more holes than a cheese grater.

Meanwhile, the Netherlands are going to come in like a Dutch freight train loaded with stroopwafels and weed. These guys are not here to fuck around. My pick? Netherlands to qualify at +110. And for those of you feeling extra spicy, take Netherlands to win in penalties at +750. Let’s face it, watching England choke in penalties is a tradition as old as time.

Bets:

• Netherlands to qualify at +110

• Netherlands to win in penalties at +750

8 PM EST: Uruguay vs. Colombia – The Last Copa America Semi-Final

Next, we switch gears to the Copa America, where we’ve got Uruguay taking on Colombia. Buckle up, because this one’s going to be a bloodbath. The Uruguayans are fucking crazy. These guys play football like they’re in a street fight. They’ll kick, bite, and headbutt their way to victory if they have to.

On the other side, we’ve got Colombia, a team so wired on coke they could probably outrun a cheetah. The Colombians are going to come at this match with the energy of a thousand espresso shots, and it’s going to be wild.

This game is going to be more aggressive than a cokehead at a mosh pit. My pick? A draw at +190. Both teams are going to beat the shit out of each other, and in the end, they’ll probably just settle for a tie because neither can stand up straight anymore.

Bet:

• Draw at +190

What a day, fellas. Two games that promise more drama than a soap opera on steroids. Bet wisely, laugh at England, and pray you don't end up needing to rob a bank to get over the results. Until next time, stay reckless and may your bets be as lucky as Nancy Pelosi with her stock options.