The 2nd Games of the 2024 Euros (06/19): Croatian Comeback, German Smackdown, and Scottish Surrender

Alright soccer degenerates strap in because Wednesday June 19th is dishing out another triple serving of Euro 2024 madness. We’ve got games that’ll make your head spin faster than a stripper on a pole. Let’s dive into the chaos of the second group stage matches.

9 AM EST: Croatia vs. Albania – The Balkan Beatdown

Start your morning with Croatia taking on Albania at 9 AM EST. This game’s gonna be like watching a lion tear apart a gazelle—brutal and oddly satisfying. Croatia's got this in the bag with odds at -223. It's like betting on a donkey in a race against a Ferrari. And if you’re looking for some value, take Perisic to get a shot on target at -175. This guy’s got more firepower than a Texan at a gun show and is always looking at the goal. Parlay these bad boys together for a juicy +110. Easy money, people.

12 PM EST: Germany vs. Hungary – The German Blitzkrieg

Next up, we've got Germany vs. Hungary at noon. Germany’s gonna light up Hungary like a Christmas tree in a redneck yard. I'm taking over 2 goals at -188 because let’s face it, the Germans score more often than your milf mom at a college bar. And don't forget Musiala to get a shot on goal at -200. This kid’s footwork and finesse is some of the best I've seen this tournament. Parlay these for a sweet +100 payout.

3 PM EST: Scotland vs. Switzerland – The Swiss Smackdown

Finally, we’ve got Scotland vs. Switzerland at 3 PM EST. Scotland's about to get bent over by the Swiss like a cheap hooker on payday. Switzerland to win at -118 is the pick here. The Scots might as well start practicing their sad bagpipe tunes now because they’re gonna need them.

The Parlay of Dreams

Now, let’s get to the main event: parlaying all these picks together. Croatia to win, Perisic to get a shot on target, over 2 goals in the Germany vs. Hungary match, Musiala to get a shot on goal, and Switzerland to win. Parlay these and you're looking at a gorgeous +677. If this hits, we’re all swimming in cash like we just robbed the Royal Mint.

So, there you have it, folks. Bet on Croatia, Germany to go over 2 goals, and Switzerland, and let's watch our accounts grow faster than a politician's lies.