The 2nd Games of the 2024 Euros (06/21): Sloppy Slovakia, Polish Punch-Up, and Mbappé Arrives

Euro 2024 Matchday Madness: The Ultimate Breakdown

9 AM EST: Slovakia vs. Ukraine – The Shitshow Showdown

First up, we’ve got Slovakia versus Ukraine at 9 AM EST. Let’s be brutally honest: this match is about as appealing as a fat stripper. If I had a gun to my head and had to pick a bet, I’m going with total goals odd at +100 because, why not? This game will be a clusterfuck of missed passes and wasted opportunities. Get ready for ninety minutes of mediocrity; it’s gonna suck harder than a prostitute on steroids.

12 PM EST: Poland vs. Austria – The Euro Slugfest

At noon, it’s Poland vs. Austria. This one’s gonna be a slugfest between two teams itching to prove themselves. If Lewandowski’s on the pitch, I’m putting my money on Poland at +240. If not, Poland or draw double chance at -150 seems like the safer bet. This game’s gonna have more tackles than a rugby match and more drama than a soap opera. Buckle up, folks; it’s gonna get intense.

3 PM EST: Netherlands vs. France – The Battle Royale

Now at 3 PM EST, get your popcorn ready for the main event: Netherlands vs. France. This isn't just a game; it's a heavyweight showdown. Mbappe's gonna be looking to get his first of the tournament. I'm putting my money on France or draw with Mbappe banging one in anytime at +180. When he's on the field, goals flow like shots at a frat party. Get ready for pulse-pounding, ass-clenching action, tactical brilliance, and enough intensity to make UFC fighters sweat. This match is gonna be a brutal clash with both sides fighting tooth and nail for dominance.

The Bets:

• Slovakia vs. Ukraine: Total Goals Odd (+100)

• Poland vs. Austria: Poland if Lewandowski’s in (+240), Poland or draw double chance if he’s not (-150)

• Netherlands vs. France: France or draw with Mbappe finding the net anytime (+180)

I’m dropping my hard-earned cash on all these and parlaying for a fat +833 payout. So grab your lucky jersey, crack open a cold one, and settle in for a day of football that’s gonna be wild.