The Start of the 2024 Euros: Germany vs. Scotland A Hilarious Kickoff

Alright, dawgs lock in and hold onto your substance of choice because the 2024 Euros are kicking off today at 3 PM EST. We’ve got Germany up against Scotland, the scrappy underdogs who are about to get a shit kicking so bad, they will want to forfeit by half time.

Let’s cut to the chase

Germany is going to absolutely obliterate Scotland. I’m calling my shot now 3-0, and that’s being generous. Jamal Musiala is going to be the executioner today, slicing through the Scottish defense and making lovely plays. Picture Musiala weaving through defenders like he’s on molly at a rave, then slamming the ball home with the force of a sledgehammer. Poor Scotland their defense might as well be made of teenage women.

Germany’s defense?

Fucking impenetrable, Tighter than a nun. Manuel Neuer is going to be on his usual Gianluigi Buffon mode, swatting away Scottish attempts like he’s playing toddlers. Scotland’s forwards will be lucky if they even get a sniff at goal.

And then there’s the crowd. The Scottish fans will be there in groups faces painted blue and white, hammering back Ironbru's mixed with some Johnny Walker, and yelling out annoying but proud Scottish chants that would probably scare off small children. Meanwhile, the German fans will be a wall of black, red, and yellow, singing in perfect rhythm and downing beers like they’re at Oktoberfest.

So, grab your favorite booze, drug of choice, and settle in for the shitshow that will occur. Whether you’re rooting for the efficient German machine or the brave but utterly doomed Scottish squad, one thing’s for sure this match is going to be one hell of a ride.

Stay tuned, because the 2024 Euros have just begun, and the chaos is only going to get wilder from here!

*Picks for tomorrow's slate will be coming out this afternoon !